The greatest thing about receiving bi-lateral Cochlear Implants, for me, has been coming to the realization that I am NOW on a journey upwards, forward, increasing in clarity. I've spent the last 4 years watching both of my ears drop out, first the right, then the left. It seemed like a slow, drawn out progression that I secretly hoped would either reverse itself or eventually stabilize. It didn't.
To be honest, losing my hearing has been the most difficult thing I've ever had to deal with. As the volume and clarity continued to decrease, I found myself disconnecting with the world around me and slipping silently into a secret depression.
How will I continue my career without communication?
How will I ever meet a girl if I can't ask her name?
How can I ever be a father if I can't hear the baby cry at night?
Will I ever be able to make a meaningful connection with another human being without touching their face?
It got to the point where I dreaded phone calls. I honestly hoped my friends would forget to invite me to dinners and gatherings. The pain of being around all this conversation with no effective way of joining it made the thought of my lonely room and a book a more appealing option. That said, I couldn't ask for more loving/caring friends and family. The support I've received through all of this was never lacking. There's just a short list of things that can erase the disconnect of hearing loss, if any.
But #1 on my list would be Cochlear Implants. Within a week of turning on my right CI, I never wore my left hearing aid again. In 4 short months I've already begun to see a drastic, rapid increase in volume, clarity and range of frequencies I receive. Having my left CI on for just over a week now, and realizing that I've yet to tap into the full capabilities these miracle devices provide has filled me with a joyous outlook on the direction my life is turning.
Earlier today I spent a few hours kayaking around San Diego Bay. It was an experience filled with brilliant sights and beautiful sounds. And I soaked it all in....along with some sun. The splashing was no match for my water-resistant processors. I simply leaned back and cast away my cares as I reflected on how much my life has changed and my abilities have broadened in the past 6 months. Vacations should always be this way. Refreshing. Relaxing. Encouraging. I head back tomorrow with a revived mindset of what I'm capable of. Thank you Dan, Penny, and Nathan for joining me in a week of experiences I feared no longer possible.
Good night San Diego. It's been real.
